Dealing with Bitterness in the Pastor examines the pastor when he is bitter about the ministry and his people. Causes and solutions through introspection.
I am a pastor and missionary in Mexico. Therefore, I feel I have every right to have an opinion on this topic, just as any other pastor might have. I want to make some observations and comments on the problem.
Contents
Defining Pastoral Bitterness
I have seen first hand and read about Pastoral Bitterness. Ministers of the gospel who simply have come to have a very bad attitude towards the ministry in general, and you on notice this in preachers when it becomes so great as to be observable from outside. Those in that ministry see it sooner, but nobody seems to know how to deal with it.
It would be very easy and simplistic to just say that these men have a bad spirit about them. I believe that is an accurate description, but it does little to define the problem or solve it. But we can say that it is a problem. When a veteran pastor lashes out at his people in anger, then everybody sees that it is a problem.
We can begin to define the problem with the pastor has expectations that are not being met. Perhaps his expectations are wrong, not possible, or even are correct, but his people do not respond as they should. Notice that people who are called of God to the ministry, who love what they do as ministers, usually do not have a bad attitude towards the same. The bad attitude always seems to enter with individuals in their ministry that cause that bitterness, although in some cases sickness or other problems are the cause. When a church in a small town has to close because most of the members are dependent on a factory that has closed, and they cannot find work, so they have to move away, that can cause sadness in having to close the church, but sadness is not bitterness. The real problem of bitterness is when a minister tires of having to deal with people who are unspiritual or at worst unsaved, and his ministry is greatly affected for the worse by them.
The Humanity of People
If you study the Old Testament prophets, you will see some very dedicated men of God that were ministering to a rebellious and stubborn “people of God.” They did their part right, and God used them to pen Scripture, but their people did not respond. What we are considering is simply the problem of sin in people’s lives. You can live in a gilded cage, where everything should always be perfect, but that is unrealistic, because everything is not perfect and we must deal with reality above all.
I think one point that has been very helpful in my own life is to preach your own heart. Every sermon is defective if it is not a personal lesson learned by the pastor. We preach and teach on the basis of our own understanding, and that revolves around our own life and experiences, experiences with people, and how God speaks to us about those things. A bad preacher never preaches to issues that could cause his people to get upset. But a good preacher is constantly “taking their temperature” and seeing what is wrong with his people (the concept of Pastoral visitation), and his sermons are always directed at solving their spiritual problems. Anybody can preach information for their whole ministry, and when it is over, have nothing. That happens a lot. Information is useless by itself.
The concept of wisdom is the intelligent use of key information applied to life such that the person gets personal gain. I am not talking about money, but it works there too. I am talking about resolving conflicts between people, and also dealing with the hard facts of life. Life can sometimes be cruel, and God permits that. It is so that the individual seeks out God for help. So a valid plan of action for God is to allow problems so that the person remembers and seeks God. That happens in our members’ lives as well as in our own personal lives and our ministries.
Missing the Point, We are in a Spiritual Warfare with Satan
There are some naive ministers that think that the ministry is all rosy. It is not. It is a bitter and cruel warfare. But if you do not fight the battle, you will suffer. When I hear complaints from pastors about their people I often think, “If it were easy, everybody would and could do it.” First off, bitterness and pastor burnt out needs to be fixed to biblical concepts. This is complaining.
James 5:9 Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door.
1 Corinthians 10:10 Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer.
So, for example, Paul uses the example of Israel murmuring in their desert wanderings. Notice that the trek between the Red Sea to the promised land is a journey of a few days. Why didn’t Israel enter into the promised land in the same month that they left Egypt? Remember they wandered in circles for forty years until an entire generation died off. In that answer lies the solution to pastoral bitterness. They refused to obey God´s Word. They didn’t have faith. Faith is a belief that something is certain when the actual support of why it is so isn’t available or visible. It is trust. But faith without works (the reality of evidences in the faithful) is dead faith, and displeases God.
So how does that bear on our topic? Very simply, pastors have to do the job God calls them to do, and not what they come up with as “the ministry they are called to do.” I think the biggest problem in modern churches is that they think success in the ministry is bigness, greatness, fame, buildings, money, popularity, etc. That is not how God judges success for his church. Spiritual change within the individual starting with salvation that morally changes lives is where we need to begin to define the ministry.
I have seen many pastors that have very comfortable and well off churches with rich members take the attitude that they will not preach or teach, say or do anything that “offends the brethren”. I am always amazed when I see that. When you preach the Word of God, the Bible condemns sin. How do you minister telling these members what God says without actually hitting the topics that God pushes? You pervert and blunt the forcefulness of God’s message which is exactly what Satan wants, not what God wants. How does that result in a successful church in God’s eyes? Moreover, if God calls you to a small work to meet the needs of Christians in that work, and God never has greatness nor fame in his will for your ministry, how can you buck against that? You need to resign yourselves to do the job that God has called you to do, and contend. Bob Jones Senior had a saying that the nightlight outside the bathroom at night is just as necessary as the crystal chandelier in the entryway.
So our (ministers) problem of bitterness comes from being unsatisfied with the results we see. But we are holding goals and desired results that are not biblical. So we should be upset. But the answer is not to pout, complain and grumble, but study the Bible to answer the spiritual problem in our own souls and lives. We do that every Sunday supposedly in the ministry, but here for some reason we just cannot do the same.
One of the keys like complaining is murmuring.
Philippians 2:14 Do all things without murmurings and disputings:
Jude 1:16 These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words, having men’s persons in admiration because of advantage.
Jude teaches us about false prophets, which are really philosophies which embody individuals. These are directly from the pit of hell. When a person murmurs and complains, he is acting as a false prophet would act. What is this sin specifically? It is a renouncing that God is sovereign over us. Whatever comes into our lives, the life of a submitted and obedient Christian, is God’s will and good for us in the view of eternity. When you complain about a member that is causing you grief, what are you doing? You are surrendering your reality to Satan. What should you do? You should tackle the person with the Word of God. You should teach the wrongness of what they are doing (often apathy or rebellion to God’s Word) and teach what is right. So if you are preaching to the spiritual needs of your people, you are already doing this on a constant basis. But when you are not or will not do such a thing, welcome disappointment and bitterness. They are going to be with you for a long time.
Remember, when people disappoint you, then you become discouraged and sad, and over time that becomes bitterness. Pray for them. Preach to change them. Work to make things different. Never give up or give in to the fight against sin and Satan.
Causes of Bitterness in the Ministry
I think that many if not all of the bitter ministers I have seen have been good men of God at some point in their ministries. A few get really bad as the bitterness grows. Usually the spiritual life of the pastor is what gets contaminated by disappointment and bitterness. His ideas of success, his goals, are not being met. His place as leader is to set goals and move the church to accomplish them. But his talent is only going to go so far, and then beyond the initial steps toward meeting the goal, God has to work. God will work if those goals are God’s goals, God’s ways of working, in character with the moral character of God. Otherwise, disappointment should happen, and the minister should evaluate his understanding and maybe change that understanding or just simply find some other vocation.
Personal Sickness
I observe that when a minister is personally sick, he gets depressed. The ministry in itself is very stressful and pressures the minister. And this happens when the minister is even young, healthy, and everything is rosy in his life. As his own problems grow with age, the ministry pressure grows and gets worse. Many break. This is an always situation. Nobody lives forever, and every person’s personal health deteriorates over time. Most pastors have ideas about their own replacement, and when “life doesn’t cooperate” depression and discouragement enter. This often ends their ministry. They simply give up. The next guy, whoever he may be, maybe will do better than I am doing. I do not find professional retirement in the Bible. People got old and died. That was their retirement. But to accumulate wealth and one day live off of that on an island somewhere is not really seen in Scripture.
I think having a reality awareness of your own personal health situation is necessary. Do what you can do, and let younger men take over when you cannot fulfill the demands of the ministry. Discouragement is not a cause for quitting. If that were so, then most every pastor would have quit multiple times over their ministry. The next section deals with running from your problems, which is why many preachers jump from church to church over their ministry. Surprise! Every church has a similar set of problems, and moving to a new zip code will not solve those problems. Only by confronting them spiritually, and preaching the problem will solve a problem.
Satan has a plan. When a preacher does a good job, he carries with him experience and solutions. Satan wants that stopped. So he as effectively as possible to do wants that ministry to no longer have influence over the work of God. That needs to be recognized, and as ministers, we need to not let it happen. God’s ministers should be active in the ministry until they die. There is no reason why not, except if the minister isn’t doing a good job.
Running from the Problems rather than Meeting them Head On
Many pastors get bitter, discouraged, and they find the solution is to go to another church. I have only ministered basically in the church that I myself founded. I have not “taken over another church at their invitation”. So my experience is a little bare here. But when you step into another church, many times the former pastor(s) have left many concepts in their people’s minds, often bad concepts. For example, never offend the rich because they won’t give. So don’t preach about any sins that they have. Likewise never preach against a sin some key figure in the church has. Never press people on evangelism or prayer, because that will drive people away. Maybe the church would just be much better in God’s sight with less people, less money, and those people gone, and those that are left are dedicated to doing God’s work. Everything boils down to defining success in the sight of God with material things or spiritual things. If you only see success on the material side, then you fall into the form of a weak and spiritually powerless church. If you seek spiritual success in people’s lives that really is not directly linked to wealth and fame, then you have a different set of goals and will see success differently.
When a pastor changes his church where he ministers, rarely does he consider that he is stepping down, from a good church to take a suffering, smaller church. Some do that, and God bless them. But the majority are seeking to “step up”, to go where they are not going to have problems like in their former church. But the pastor is a shepherd to tend to the sheep’s problems. So this is not the mindset of a biblical pastor to begin with. It is the mindset of a salaried worker, that is not committed to the welfare of his charge.
Pastoral Marital Problems
There is no greater curse and cause for problems as having a carnal mate. This is a curse that drags even the best of Christians to their knees. When it happens to a minister, the problem becomes a multiplier of problems. Discouragement and bitterness is either blunted or increased by your wife. Sometimes the wife is tainted with a bad attitude because of the pastor, but the key here is that the pastor should take charge of his life and ministry to order it under God’s direction.
Genesis 18:19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
The problem of a pastor who doesn’t order his family in the ways of the Lord is a serious problem, and that pastor should find another vocation. He is not fit for the ministry. If you are a pastor and you allow your family to become bitter about the ministry, you are wrong. This fault is one of a being a man of God.
Cures for Bitterness in the Ministry
The first cure to meditate on is simply that a minister is a servant of God. I often make the mental note that these people I serve are not my people, but God’s children. Their rebellion, stubbornness, and contentiousness that destroys my spirit is really what is the outworking of their problematic personal relationship with God. I am a servant to address that, but I only do what God tells me to do. I voice His message to His children. I do the best I can and try to do the work with talent and burden. But in the end analysis in eternity, each person will give an individual accounting to God for what their life has been. I can no more be responsible for their disastrous lives than Noah could of those people he ministered to, or to the people of Israel during the time of Christ and their crucifixion of the Savior.
So we can talk about the style, approach, effectiveness, etc. of each person’s ministry, but either seeking secrets of success or pinning blame for failure on a particular approach really does not do justice to the real problem. That problem is the state of people’s hearts. Changing that state is the goal, and for as much as you may want to change their hearts and lives, it is left up to the individual in God’s eyes. Change that is hypocritical is no better than outright open rebellion. Hypocritical “Christians” breed children and disciples that are hypocritical.
Faithfulness
One of the keys to not being overcome by bitterness is simply being faithful. Faithfulness and therefore being faithful is a concept that reaches into the very salvation of the person. We are not called by God to be successful, but to be faithful. Faithfulness (which is a consistency of always doing what is right and fulfilling our obligations to God) is always seen. Faithfulness when everything is perfect and going well should be a given, but real faithfulness is when the servant continues when things fall apart. The good servant is still there doing what he is supposed to be doing. His faith (salvation and relationship to God) is seen by the evidences of his life.
Endurance is another side of faithfulness. The measure of a man is what it takes to stop him, or for him to no longer be faithful in his calling.
Prayer, and Your Prayer Life
Again, we touch on the defects in the spiritual life of the discouraged minister. Prayer is the real power house in the spiritual world. But prayer is misunderstood. We consider prayer like a child’s list of wishes given to Santa Claus. Prayer is not that. Prayer is an active participation of God in our spiritual lives. In other words, God answers your prayers on some key factors. What are they? First of all, God’s will. If you ask passionately for something that God is not willing, then when He doesn’t give it to you, you either accuse God of impotence, get angry with God, or stop holding prayer as a priority.
In reality, your prayer life is a reflection of how well your spiritual life with God is doing. So the minister and his ministry are directly dependent on his prayer life with God, which is dependent on his spiritual life and understanding of God is. People judge ministers and ministries by the wrong factors. It is not the externals of money, people, and fame (glory) that mark a successful ministry in God’s eyes, but doing the will of God. Jesus abruptly shut down the false prophets of his day with this understanding.
Matthew 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Matthew 7:20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
Matthew 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Matthew 7:24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
Matthew 7:25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
Matthew 7:26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
Matthew 7:27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
Notice how these false prophets wanted an endorsement from Jesus of their great and successful ministries. They listed what were their accomplishments, and Jesus laid them low by focusing on the approved servant of God does the will of God. He discounted every success that they put up, and even worse, they are not just bad servants of God, they aren’t even saved. They are servants of Satan. All on the basis of not doing God’s will.
Prayer changes our reality. Prayer changes the spiritual makeup of people. Your prayers can change people. That has to be a working model for the pastor. Without such effective prayer of the minister, the real work of the ministry (spiritually changing people’s lives for the better, for heaven) will not be done. Today in the ministry, we have programs and activities thinking that with these things, “we do the ministry”. But that is not so. The only ministry that is approved of God centers on God’s will, and our submission to that will.
The case of the Hypocrite
A hypocrite is an actor. They are a person who is presenting some kind of person that they are not really that character. When the pastor is a spiritual hypocrite, and the Word of God doesn’t cut him first and foremost to spiritually change him into the image of Christ, all the people learn from a hypocrite teacher is hypocrisy. They can recite biblical sound doctrine frontwards and backwards, but they implement none of that except when convenient. For a person that has never smoked his entire life, he can very easily preach against smoking. For the gossiping person, he will find it difficult to preach against gossip. The problem with this is that such a pastor’s preaching, ministry and people are not live and spiritually growing. That is the cause of discouragement when the pastor finally sees the consequences of his own hypocrisy. Ask yourself, how many times would my people kneel in pray beside me, or go into the street to do evangelism? So when the consequences of that come home to roost, don’t be surprised, and depression is a consequence. Moral change in you and others has to be our primary goal if the ministry “is to work” as God wants it to work.
Effectiveness of your Ministry, Making Moral Change Happen
It is amazing to see how modern Christianity defines “spiritual success”. People make lists for a successful Christian. They do the things on these lists without any spiritual change behind them, and there is no real spirituality. John Wesley started “Methodism” on this basis. He was in the Anglican church which is basically Catholicism with a different name. His people had been baptized as babies, and they had the label of being “saved”, but showed no fruits or evidences of that. These people had no spiritual interest. So he made a list of things that would identify a good Christian. He worked towards creating this list in his people. He called this “methods” (to be spiritual) and Methodism was born. We need not be haughty here, because Baptists, Presbyterians, etc. all do the very same thing. Even the Catholic church saw this and started Catechism classes to address it. It is not that we should not teach standards of conduct to our people, but rather, we should seek spiritual growth instead overemphasizing and micromanaging the individual lives of our charge.
Enter the doctrine of the priesthood of every believer. If God wants each child of God to have a personalized priesthood serving God, and that is the New Testament way, then how does that check with a minister micromanaging the individual member’s life? They are diametrically opposed the one to another.
Viewing this from a different perspective, most churches have a list of things that they want their members to do. The assumption is that a Christian that is truly saved and spiritual will do “these things” on their list. Activity is the solution to this fault in the people. We have a fervor of activity in the typical local church. Read Psalm 23. “he leadeth me beside the still waters” (v2) Residing beside still waters causes “he leadeth me in paths of righteousness” v3. Also “he restoreth my soul”. As a pastor, I find Psalm 23 very opposite of the typical concept of a church. Sheep grow not through a fervor of activity, but by medium activity, exercise, but by peacefully graving and resting. How come this is the opposite of what we are pushing for in our churches?
Spiritual growth is our goal. There is the prescription on how to achieve it. Yet we ignore God’s will, and push activity and trite sermons that do not morally change anybody. In fact, in most pulpits, you would be hard put to find any appeal to application or exhortation to action. Exhortations are no longer valid in modern Christianity. They get personal, which is taboo among modern Christians.
Being Evangelistic as a Ministry
I mentioned above that bitterness can come from church members that are contentious and really opposed to the work of the Lord. When your church has a large group of members that are like that, chances are that they will ill affect your ministry, and in turn cause you personal bitterness. The simple observation here is that new people who accept the Lord are impressionable, and when you as pastor lead them to Christ, they will most probably take your counsel and advice (attitude towards the work of the Lord) before any ill willed members in your church. If as pastor you personally are at the forefront of evangelism, most probably new people will enter the church and you can slowly displace those members with a poor attitude. Likewise, these newer people who are carefully taught by you have a pro-active and positive attitude towards the ministry will equally push back towards those negative people who cause bitterness.
Evangelism is the key to keeping the ministry healthy. That evangelism and personal discipleship has to be spearheaded and carefully controlled by the pastor. You cannot delegate it to others. Your ministry will take the character of the leader, the pastor. But this weakness of pastors to do the hard work of evangelism, visiting people and explaining the gospel to them, and giving existing members hard counseling to solve their life problems, that is where Satan slips in error and bad actors that “take the burden off the pastor.” When they raise up a cliche like Paul warned about to the Corinthians, then it is too late to do anything maybe. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When that doesn’t work, dump the lemons and buy oranges!
Dealing with Bitterness in the Pastor